This week Shelly-Ann Harris connects with Michael and Lynier Watson for Family & Faith Magazine’s Happy Marriage Summer Series. Michael and Lynier have been married for 16 years and have 3 wonderful children: Michaela (14), Michael Jr. (11) and Matthew Mikhail (6). The two also own and operate ePOH Jamaica Limited, a growing company that provides IT services for small to medium businesses. Michael is also a singer and actor and Lynier is a teacher and actress. The creative lovebirds are also both Ministers of the Gospel.
Shelly-Ann: How did you know that your partner was the one?
Lynier: I had a crush on him from the first time I watched him playing basketball on the court of my alma mater, Edna Manley College (EMC). The Holy Spirit whispered to me at the time that he would be my husband. The only thing is that I wasn’t a mature enough believer at the time to know it was the Holy Spirit and thought it was in my head, especially since I was engaged somewhat to someone else at the time. We became friends and were just inseparable thereafter. I felt he was family and just couldn’t imagine not being with him.
Michael: While playing dominoes on the EMC Campus Dorms, one day I looked up and saw a gorgeous woman open her windows and fix her curtains, after which I saw her beautiful figure silhouetted behind the curtains as she fluffed her pillows and got ready for bed. I was so invigorated by the experience that I decided that I would sit in the same position every night to “play dominoes.” I was determined from that time that I had to do something to get this girl’s attention.
Shelly-Ann: Whenever you speak of Michael, you always have a sparkle and admiration. What do you value most about your husband? And Michael what do you value most about Lynier?
Lynier: It’s hard to give just one answer for this but at the top of the list would be his faithfulness and commitment to God and his family.
Michael: Lynier is like no one else that I know. She loves big and allows nothing to stop her from expressing that.
Shelly-Ann: What’s one of the most challenging issues you have faced as a married couple and how did you overcome it?
Michael & Lynier: We can’t identify one specific event that we could say was the greatest challenge we faced. We have faced many tough challenges including financial struggles, temptations of infidelity, struggles with in-laws – you name it we’ve tasted it. However, our greatest challenge comes not in the tough events because we often deal with those quite well. The toughest times in our marriage is when we turn our eyes on ourselves and look away from Christ and each other. Satan has a field day with our selfishness and floods our minds with thoughts that magnifies the simplest of things. We forget who we are and begin to accept all of satan’s lies about each other. “He doesnt love me, he only cares about himself so I have to take care of me,” is an example of these lies. These thoughts then influence both our behaviors and before you know it, we are constantly arguing.
We have identified that these thoughts are not our own. Whenever we refocus and set our thoughts on God’s word, He gently guides us back into truth. We still struggle from time to time especially when we are to minister. Satan comes at us with everything he has. Through discipleship with more mature believers and dedicating personal time with the Lord and in His Word, we are learning more and more how to defuse the flaming darts. As a result, arguments are way less and far between. We forgive each other for teaming up with the accuser of the brethren and we refocus on walking in the peace, love and joy that God has blessed us with.
Shelly-Ann: Turning to the children now, has parenting challenged or strengthened your marriage? Describe how.
Michael & Lynier: Parenting is one of God’s greatest blessings to humanity. Whether you give birth to a child or not we strongly believe that every Christian couple should raise children. According to Malachi 3, it is one of God’s purposes for marriage. We find parenting to be God’s greatest gift to us. We recognize that everything God gives us is geared at building our character. Like gold, character is tested when it goes through fire. Parenting is a character builder. Sometimes it is overwhelmingly rough but at the end of the day it strengthens who we are. As our characters are built so is our marriage, so yes parenting has certainly strengthened our marriage.
One practical way that this happens is that we have to always keep in mind that we are a team. Every disagreement concerning the children must be discussed on the sidelines and not on the court. The kids must always realize that we are a team. If Daddy says no, then it’s no and if mommy says no its no. This gives the children stability and builds our relationship as a couple. It’s not always easy…especially when inside you strongly disagree. But with the help of the Holy Spirit it can be done and benefits the family greatly.
Shelly-Ann: What are some of the biggest lessons you have learnt about marriage and family over the years?
Lynier: God’s design and order for marriage is perfect. The world, our flesh and satan war against this. We are therefore in continuous warfare and can only win by learning and submitting to God’s way. Secondly, my spouse is not my enemy. We are on the same team. Keeping this at the forefront helps us to see situations from a clearer perspective. It helps us to identify the true enemy. Finally, we must choose to forgive immediately. Forgiveness is a decision not a feeling. No matter what is done we can choose to forgive. That frees the Holy Spirit to guide us through working through the challenge. When we choose to forgive immediately, the pain heals faster (though it still takes time), restoration comes and wisdom to not make the same mistakes is given.
Michael: That my primary relationships are God, my wife (the marriage union), my children, our extended family, church family, close friends, then everyone else. Missing this order can be detrimental to everything.
This week we continue our Happy Marriage Summer Series with the McLeods! Gorgeous couple, Monique and Calvert (Jerry) McLeod have been married for 13 years and have been blessed with 2 remarkable children, Matthias age 6, and Niara age 10. Jerry is an Urban Planner and Monique is the Founder and Creative Director for Everything Creative Advertising Agency and a professional makeup artist. The two share their journey with Family and Faith Magazine’s Editorial Director, Shelly-Ann Harris.
Shelly-Ann: How did you know that your partner was the one?
Monique: I knew this soon after we met. Lol. The realization took my breath away and I was somewhat scared because this was so new and different from anything I had ever experienced. I knew Jerry (Calvert) was the one because of a combination of incredible things. By the way, we could talk for hours and lose our sense of time and space. He was charming and humorous. He challenged me but always supported me. His ambition was vast, and I believed he could achieve anything with his drive. He was brutally honest (and trust me sometimes it was not received well but I loved that he would tell it like it is). He was gentle but firm. His love for God was marvelous to watch. When he looked at me, I felt like he was peering into my soul lovingly and fearlessly. I knew I wanted to experience all life had to offer with him, forever.
Jerry: The first time I saw Monique, my physical, emotional and spiritual being were all in agreement that she was the one. At that moment I asked God if she could be mine and we all know how the story unfolded.
Shelly-Ann: You and your husband have been together for a while and have 2 beautiful children. What do you value most about your husband and your life together?
Monique: I value our experiences the most – the good, the bad, and the in-between. I value his commitment, friendship and his connection with God. No matter what life throws at us, he is always by my side and we are a team. I love that he strives to put me and our family first. I love his business sense and his drive to succeed at whatever he touches.
Jerry: The thing I value the most about my wife is her unwavering faith and deep-rooted connection for God which are then translated into her love, devotion, and dedication to me and the children. I also value her spontaneity, creativity, love for life and positive nature.
Shelly-Ann: What’s one of the most challenging issues you have faced as a married couple and how did you overcome it?
Monique & Jerry: Accepting each other as we are, and practicing selflessness were the most challenging areas within our marriage. We have very strong personalities and are set in our ways. So, earlier in the marriage, it was difficult to become one in our thoughts, goals, and desires. After all, we are both individuals with lifelong dreams, expectations of marriage, and baggage from previous relationships. However, we give God all the credit for all these years and the years to come. The lessons are hard due to our own selfishness and focusing on our own feelings. But with prayer, spiritual and emotional maturity, dependence on God as well as time, the pieces came together.
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Shelly-Ann: Has parenting challenged or strengthened your marriage?
Monique & Jerry: Parenting most definitely challenged our marriage. We grew up differently and had our ideas of how a parent should look, act, and simply be. I grew up without a father and had a mother who was plagued with mental issues, so I wanted to immerse my children in love and affection. My husband on the other hand grew up with his mom and a father who left when he was very young, which forced him to grow up quickly and live a disciplined life to survive. So, you can imagine an artist and a planner coming together and creating a family. It was an interesting ride indeed. However, we both wanted a loving home that was safe, secure, and God-centered; a home with both parents, something we didn’t experience. So, to answer the question it did both challenge and strengthen us. I believe every challenge gave us a new perspective, and either made us stronger or wiser in how to deal with other issues.
Shelly-Ann: What are some of the biggest lessons you have learned about marriage and family over the years?
Monique: A marriage requires God to be at the very center, hands down. It requires dedication and effort. You won’t like your spouse sometimes because of unrealistic expectations, unforgiveness, unresolved issues, stubbornness, or if there is a focus on each other’s faults/weaknesses. Instead, our focus must be set on being the best version of ourselves, using kindness and open communication to build the marriage. Surround yourself with like-minded, faith-based friends and couples. They will hold you accountable and give you a safe space to grow and learn more about this tumultuous marriage journey. Be your spouse’s biggest and loudest cheerleader and always fight your battles on your knees in prayer.
Additionally, my family has taught me how to love unconditionally and not to take them for granted, instead create experiences together to forge deeper bonds. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s a part of life so practice forgiveness daily.
Create a safe space for your children, communicate honestly and listen to understand their point of view, and teach them conflict resolution. Most importantly demonstrate God’s love through your words and actions.
Jerry: I’ve learned that each marriage is unique because it is a union between 2 unique individuals. Opposites don’t attract. Marriage is a union that works better when the individuals are like-minded. It is a daily decision to love your spouse in spite of. Additionally, no other earthly relationship is more important than the one you have with your family.
It was going to be a long hectic demanding day, so I decided to start the day with prayer. Instead, it was more like throwing my stressors and issues at God like darts on a bullseye: “Lord, I have 6 meetings and events today and I don’t see how I am going to blah blah blah… as you know, my housekeeper is out sick and I don’t see how I am going to work and prepare meals for the girls blah blah blah, I am so tired I haven’t had a good nights sleep since blah blah blah….I am concerned about the girls and how school is going, please help them to blah blah blah…” and then I felt the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit to pause, rest in God and then make my requests. The Spirit was urging me to rest in El Shaddai; to exhale and inhale the goodness of God’s presence. I rested and worshipped knowing that in Him I move and breathe and have my being. I rested in His majesty, His sovereignty, His love. I felt His calming presence easing my tizzy. I worshipped some more and then from a place of peace and better clarity I was able to better discern what I really needed and wanted and then make my petitions.
One of my main issues was trying to figure out how to juggle 2 very important face-to-face meetings that were to happen at around the same time. I sensed that the Lord wanted me to participate in both meetings, but the timing was bad. One meeting time was unchangeable but if I could get the 4pm one shifted to 11am that would be perfect for how my day was already structured. After I had prayed, I called the organizer to see what times they had available even though historically a change on the same day was next to impossible. The organizer, said, “no, I am sorry we don’t have any other time today” …. Then, they paused and said, “the best we could do is possibly 2pm.” “I already have a 2pm so that would not be possible for me,” I told them.
I came off the phone without a solution and simply whispered to God, “help, I need an 11am.” I left the issue in God’s hand being at peace that if the meeting had to be cancelled or rescheduled so be it. Remember that story with the three Hebrew boys when they told the king that they know that their God is going to deliver them but that even if He doesn’t, they were not going to bow? A bit of a dramatic reference I know but the peace I was enwrapped with was sort of like that – if it works out great, if it doesn’t, I am not bothered. God is on His throne and I am staying in a place of rest.
I went about the day with this peace and rest and not the tizzy I woke up with. And then at around 10am, I receive a callback from the organizers – “Hi, sorry for the short notice but we literally just had a cancellation and now have another time slot available. How is 11am for our meeting? Of course, I accepted the 11am while smiling broadly in my Spirit at how God works. What are the odds that they would get a cancellation for the exact time that I need? God is sovereign. All things work together for good. It was a brilliant meeting and my other meetings went well on that hectic day.
Friends, I have been walking with the Lord for a long time but there is something I am still learning and applying to my life – the power of resting in His presence, biding in His peace and then without anxiety make my requests. God still hears and answers. Let’s rest and then ask and see Him work.
After enduring days of high fever, lethargy, difficulty breathing, loss of taste, loss of appetite and severe weakness, Bradley James was extremely tired, and incredibly, he had lost 20 pounds in less than 10 days. The 7-mile runner had tested positive for COVID-19 after working as a DJ for a party event for some church friends in Florida. He had worn his mask and tried to keep his distance from guests but sadly he left that mid-June gathering exposed to the virus.
His wife, Kiva remembers those early moments when they were wondering if he had gotten infected.
“One of the things he said when he returned home from that party is that he was annoyed that people were approaching him. He had a mask on but I don’t know if he was consistent with it when he was trying to talk and pull it down sometimes,” Kiva shared with Family and Faith Magazine.
“He was annoyed that quite a few people kept coming up to the DJ booth which was separated and distanced from everybody. But as they were drinking and becoming less inhibited they were being more bold and coming and requesting music, commenting and high fiving and he said he was reminding them to back away but I don’t think they were very cooperative because as I said they were less inhibited – that was on the 13th of June,” Kiva recounted.
Unusual Symptoms of COVID-19
Days later he was suffering from a backache which his family thought was as a result of falling during a soccer game with his kids or his medical history with kidney stones. But they were wrong. Instead, it was the beginning of a frightening fight with the COVID-19 virus.
“He continued to have the aching on Wednesday and then symptoms of vomiting started. He just had 1 or 2 episodes and 1 bout of diarrhea and I was like this is not as a result of your falling (in a soccer game),” reasoned the wife and the mother of their 2 boys, ages 12 and 8 years, and a girl, 10 years old.
Kiva (left), Bradley (right) and their three children.
On the Thursday he started having classic respiratory symptoms and a fever and that is when they decided to get tested. “We got the test that day and I remember that evening he got a couple calls from people who were attending that party saying that there were one or two people in attendance that ended up being positive between the time he started showing symptoms and got tested. So at this point we felt pretty confident that this is what we are dealing with while we are waiting on the results. So we contacted people we were personally in contact with between the 13th and the 18th and informed them,” the responsible wife revealed.
Bradley’s results came back 2 days later as positive. At this point his symptoms were progressing – the fever was spiking to around 102.5, he was more lethargic and started to lose his appetite. With her husband testing positive, Kiva moved quickly to look about the rest of the family.
“His test came back positive on the 20th. I went and scheduled a test and I was able to get in for the following day, Sunday for a test. At that point I had no symptoms at all. And then on Friday, my 12 year said he was tired and was going to take a nap. He laid down on the floor and took a nap. He never does that in the day. No fever no nothing. He napped for a couple hours and then he was fine. My 8 year old son said he was also feeling tired, I took his temperature and he had a very low grade temp of like 99.5 for about 24 hours and that was it, he was fine running, around, didn’t want to rest much and his fever was gone the next day. My 10 year old daughter had zero symptoms, no complaints, acting normal no fever, nothing,” Kiva remembers of her children’s brush with the virus.
The kids were therefore doing well and interestingly Kiva’s test results came back negative at first. Her second test however came back positive. Fortunately, she was largely asymptomatic but Bradley’s symptoms continued to worsen.
“His respiratory symptoms and lethargy and the weakness were progressing; the appetite was down. He was taking Tylenol when his fever was spiking and he had trouble resting and his back was hurting and I was checking his respiration,” Kiva, a veterinarian by profession explained. Both Kiva and Bradley were born and raised in Jamaica and received their Bachelor’s degree before relocating to the US. The two have been married for 14 years.
After Bradley’s symptoms continued to progress, Kiva, meticulous and forward thinking, started to take more action.
Useful tools and tips for fighting COVID-19
“At this point I had gotten a pulse oximeter – a finger held oximeter – which measures oxygenation. And that is a great tool because a lot of people won’t know when their oxygen levels are falling until it is way too low. Monitoring it early is a good idea and it was like US$20 or US$30 dollars for that so I had ordered it very early. I think I ordered it the Thursday and I think it came the Friday on the 19th . So I was checking it and checking all of ours and we were normally 98% but his was hovering around 96, 97 so he was a little lower than the rest of ours so I was using ours as a reference point. So he was maintaining that until early into the following week when his symptoms (the tiredness, the weakness, a little cough) were progressing and his breathing rate was increasing,” she continued.
The nights were particularly difficult and he had trouble sleeping. Moreover, his oxygen levels started deteriorating even further.
“I started checking his oxygen more often because it started hovering at 95, 96 so it was slowly dropping. We didn’t want to get below 94, 93 which is when I would get really concerned. We were told to practice some breathing exercises which we saw some YouTube videos about; just stretching to open up the lungs, putting our arms in the air and taking deep breaths,” Kiva shared with Family and Faith Magazine.
She added that, “one of the things we knew from the beginning is not spending a lot of time on your back. That seem to be the single most important thing which is kind of the opposite of what most people would want to do when they are feeling this way because they are tired, they are exhausted, and weak. So he did want to be on his back and laying in other positions kind of makes it a little harder to breath. So I had to insist that every few hours he is getting up (which became difficult because he was feeling weak and tired) moving around, so that you’re kind of getting your lungs moving and doing the breathing exercises. The nights were the most difficult. He would feel a little better in the morning but as the day progresses he would feel tired and it seemed like breathing was tiring so as the day progressed it required a little more effort to breath.”
In addition to medication and the oximeter, the Jamaican-born wife added potent herbal teas to her husband’s healing arsenal. “I was steeping ginger, garlic, onion, mint for flavour and mixing that with lemon and getting that at least 3 times a day which was the only thing he would consume plus lots of water,” Kiva revealed. “I said you have to stay hydrated, hydration is super important for the lungs. I also tried to give him broth and he would take a little bit of it,” she explained, noting that his sense of taste had diminished by then and his fever was spiking at nights.
Going to the Hospital or Staying Home
By around day 9 or 10, things had gone to a head. “I realize that at this point this is when people end up in the hospital and the reason is that your body can only fight an invader (virus) for so long. It requires a whole lot of energy, of resources – rest, nutrition – all these things for your body to put up an optimum fight. It can do that for a certain amount of time. After you do that your body is going down and the virus starts to win. At that point, we started getting really scared because we realized he was not beating this. It was weakening him,” Kiva recollected.
But the loving determined wife had prayer support and a plan. “Tons of prayer, everyone in Jamaica, here, because it got to the point where by now I had packed a bag for the emergency room. I talked to the children and I told them they may wake up and not see me or daddy so I would leave a note and we discussed that.” Of course in a situation like that it would be tricky to have someone come over to stay with the children when the family was battling COVID.
Thoughtful and diligent, Kiva continued to put things in place for any eventuality. She continued checking his blood pressure, his lungs, pulse oxygenation and recording them. But after around 10 days, the virus wasn’t only taking a physical toll but an emotional toll on Bradley as well. He was so drained he wanted Kiva to decide on if he should go to the ER.
“And I said we need to go. The bags are packed. But the look of defeat on his face – it was really hard. And I was like he can’t go into the hospital with this attitude and feeling like this,” the woman of faith insisted. Plus Kiva herself was tired and didn’t feel confident about going to a hospital.
“I wasn’t confident about what I was hearing about the hospitals and the stories about ventilators and how they do more damage to the lungs…It forces air into the lungs… in cases of pneumonia and COVID…you are going to cause damage even if not leading to the death, it is long term. But then you are in between a rock and hard place because if we don’t go he could decompensate quickly,” the medical practitioner reasoned. Plus she was no longer comfortable caring for him at home: “I had passed the point of feeling comfortable treating him at home and as much as we didn’t want to go to the hospital I didn’t think we had a choice.”
Telemedicine Support
However the couple came up with a compromise. Kiva would keep monitoring Bradley closely and then they would do a telemedicine appointment the next day. If the doctor insisted that they go to the ER, then they would go.
Armed with days of meticulous records of Bradley’s heart rate, respiratory rate, oxygen saturation, blood pressure and breathing metrics, Kiva was able to provide the doctor with useful data. The doctor was essentially trusting Kiva’s ears and eyes in order to determine the way forward – hospital or home. Via telemedicine, the doctor prescribed a nebulizer and prednisone for Kiva to treat her husband and if that worked they wouldn’t need to go to the ER. Of course, with the support of her medical colleagues, Kiva had to figure out how to set up and use a nebulizer, which she did successfully.
Bradley Starts to Recover
After the first day of nebulizing, Bradley started to feel a little better. “By day 2 on the nebulizer he started playing cards with the kids. By day 3 he was looking better. Each day was appreciable improvement,” Kiva testified.
Of course in life threatening situations like these family and friends have an abundance of advice. One of them was to put an onion under Bradley’s shirt on his chest. Although not seeing the science behind it, Kiva acquiesced and placed an onion on his chest and elsewhere in the house, while administering the nebulizer and prednisone. And over time the father of her three children steadily improved.
“It took a while for his strength to come back. He was still very weak even though his respiratory symptoms were better and now (August) he is fully recovered. He hasn’t put on back the weight but that is intentional and his hair looks a little fuzzy which I think is long term impact but his lung capacity is back. He is back to running his 7 miles,” Kiva told Family and Faith Magazine.
The good book asks the question – a wife of noble character who can find? Another version asks it this way – an excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous, who is he who can find her? Well, Bradley found Kiva.
Life Lessons from COVID
With the ordeal behind them now, Kiva now reflects on the meaning of life with appreciation and new purpose. “During that time, of course it crossed my mind that I could lose my husband. This is real. And you start to think about all the things that are not important – if he gets through this then you’d be a better wife,” she committed.
“There are just so many things that don’t matter that we think are important that aren’t because at the end of the day all you want is that person to be there,” Kiva confessed, noting that all they now want to do is spend quality time together. Since the ordeal, Kiva has also had a spiritual awakening.
“I have gone on a journey – I am doing The Purpose Driven Life (book) now. I have gone on this journey of seeking my purpose because you realize that your time on this earth is temporary. And God has trusted things to us to take care of it. Nothing is ours. Not our life; not our possessions and they are all temporary. I am trying to redefine my life and purpose,” she declared.
Welcome to our stories of light and hope for the Easter Season! Learning to believe better, the primary needs of a husband and wife, gender roles and abortion are the main issues we explore this Easter.
Holy Scripture tells us that marriage is a mysterious reflection of Christ and his bride, the church. That is certainly why men are asked to love their wives like Christ loves the church, and women to submit to their husbands. So, this Easter we hope to strengthen marriages by going back to basics with understanding the primary needs of a husband and wife with renowned family counselor, Dr. Barry Davidson. There is a lot to glean and share with your spouse!
Women are Good, Men are Great? is my blog feature that you may find interesting (or unsettling) as we join the layered conversation around gender roles.
Now every time there was an account of the mass abortion of babies in Scripture, the mission was an attempt to kill God’s plan for the birth of a deliverer. The subject doesn’t have a good rap in Scripture. This Easter we connect with Specialist Biomedical Scientist originally from Nigeria, now living and working in the UK, Ms. Obianuju Ekeocha to get her perspective on the controversial human rights issue, which has consumed Jamaica’s attention in recent months.
Ms. Ekeocha is also the founder and president of Culture of Life Africa, an organisation dedicated to the promotion of a Culture of Life in Africa through research, education and the dissemination of information. She is an internationally acclaimed pro-life speaker, strategist, author and documentary filmmaker who has studied, worked and travelled extensively in Africa.
And finally, we are delighted by the encouragement from Family and Faith Magazine longtime contributor, Pastor Christopher Brodber in Believe Better Things – Believe God!
Enjoy, share with your family and friends and leave a reply! And be sure to follow us in order to receive an alert each time we publish.
May God’s light and hope radiate afresh in your life this season.
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May God bless you abundantly for your thoughtfulness!
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Family and Faith Magazine is committed to sharing stories of how Christian faith can positively impact family life and the attendant demands such as marriage, parenting, relationships, love, work-life balance, serving the community among other issues. Your donation will help us to keep going! Thank you!
I try to encourage people wherever I go to join me in a little gesture – raise your index finger in the air, with attitude, and say aloud, “I Believe God.” I do this because I am fully aware that the biggest daily battle people face is the battle to believe better; to believe better things, about ourselves and about our Creator.
In what is a hostile information-age, there is a deluge of destructive notions being sent people’s way. There is information that often poses as ‘life-improvement’ concepts, which is really rooted in fear, in human frailty, in notions of scarce resources, in greed, etc. Therefore, I’ll stir individuals to believe better, based on an understanding that the best things in life are freely given to all, by the Creator of all. The supplier of ample air, ample water, sunlight, and natural resources, amply supplies whatever we’ll need for a good-life.
And this truth is why there is Easter.
I know you, whoever is reading this, that you too are in the throes of a bitter belief-battle, either about yourself, about this world, or about the Creator, just like the rest of us. So, let’s talk about Easter and the Resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth and its relevance to our lives.
I am aware that information might have come to you that Easter had a “pagan origin” and therefore it’s not of true Christian merit. However, I counter that with an example – Though evil things happened in the world on my birthday, yet I still choose to celebrate my birthday – meaning we should still celebrate a good thing, despite ‘evil things.’ Also, God remains sovereign over all times. Recall also that I said there’s an all-out war of notions, focused against our believing good things, in this world that stokes fear and offers lies. (Like Santa Clause, promoted instead of a Good God and Christ, at Christmas, that “knows if you’ve been good or bad”.) Know this, that the Christian celebration of Easter is from God, and it is a good “tool” to ground our hope, and our faith in eternal things, as opposed to fragile temporal things.
Jesus of Nazareth’s dying on Calvary’s Cross, celebrated on Good Friday, and His being raised to life, celebrated on Easter Sunday / Resurrection Sunday, provide all persons a signal of God’s good intentions toward all men (as it is written “…goodwill toward men.” Luke 2:14). The Heavenly Father made His message clear, that this Jesus is His Son, and He was sent to save the world – “For God So loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” – John 3:16.
This salvation, this message of rescue, that God signals, is dynamic and holistic. It is not just deliverance from the threat of eternal damnation, after death, but it is a rescue from all turmoil of the human soul. It marks a deliverance unto an amazing hope. The Easter celebration arms all who believe with a powerful hope, and a wonderful confidence, second to none.
Recall that the apparent greatest fear that people have is of death. Therefore, it is written that God “…delivered them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage” – Hebrews 2:15. So, the Father answers this global fear through His Son. Jesus’ death shows God as familiar with the issue of death and our fear, and displays that an answer was sent.
Jesus’ resurrection from the dead, shows that God is capable and willing to raise individuals from death, and He’s giving them His hope and confidence. The resurrection displays the Father offering men a better life now, and then (after life).
It is a profound promise of better to all who would believe, even unto joyful celebration. The resurrection of Jesus certainly gives us all a ‘partying’ purpose. “…And this is the will of Him that sent me, that everyone which seeth the son, and believeth on Him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day” – John 6:40. This assurance, this confidence in God, is super liberating.
Note that every human being needs faith and hope. Hope is a life-giving, purpose-driving virtue, and faith is a spiritual drive to always press forward. So, the message of Easter: “You don’t need to fear anything. I the Lord have made what was once scary, become for you an awesome opportunity.”
Today all are free not to fear. We’re no longer bound to live in fear, in this world of fears. So now, what will you do, since you can be fear-free? Say with me too, “I Believe God!”
Now, the whole world is an awaiting adventure.
Happy Easter!
Pastor Christopher Brodber is the pastor of Covenant City Church and a long-time contributor to Family and Faith Magazine. Leave a reply or send an email to familyandfaithmagazine@gmail.com
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We also appreciate and value that you may want to help us continue doing what we’re doing by making a donation.
May God bless you abundantly for your thoughtfulness!
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Family and Faith Magazine is committed to sharing stories of how Christian faith can positively impact family life and the attendant demands such as marriage, parenting, relationships, love, work-life balance, serving the community among other issues. Your donation will help us to keep going! Thank you!
Raising Strong Boys and Repairing Broken Men is the timely theme for the June | Father’s Day Edition of Family and Faith Magazine. Shorter than the previous documentary at 22 minutes, the June edition features impactful Christian men and their testimonies of faith, fatherhood and restoration. They include: Altano Morgan, manufacturer of ICAN; Robert Dixon, Principal of Operation Restoration Christian School and Dr. Wayne Henry, Economist and Director General of the Planning Institute of Jamaica. The documentary also connects with three promising young boys – Israel Redwood, Seth Ridgard and Luke Ridgard.
In keeping with the theme, the documentary, which is sponsored by the Jamaica Broilers Group, provides godly advice on raising strong boys.
Principal, Robert Dixon asserts that, “Children spell love – T-I-M-E. We have to spend time with our children. For both my son and the children at school I see my life as a foundation for these students.” The young principal advances that, “For my son, yes his foundation, his identity is linked to me to who I am and to who I am in Christ but for my students who have no other foundation who probably don’t know their father, can I be that foundation for them? Can I be so secure in myself that they can build their life on who I am and what I stand for?”
For his part, Dr. Wayne Henry points to three strategies for growing strong boys. First, he says it’s important “to be present, to be alongside, to be near.” Then, “There must be instruction and advice. Solomon, he said listen to my advice son, heed my warning and you will prosper.” His third nugget of wisdom is the need to show boys lessons and principles by example. “A lot of times we are too willing to say do as I say and not as I do and there is a key of leadership that we miss where Paul says follow me as I follow Christ .We don’t invite people to follow us ..part of leadership part of mentoring is that you have to be that example …the willingness to put on display even with your mistakes and your flaws that example,” the father of 3 insists.
Manufacturer and motivational speaker, Altano Morgan adds that the key to raising a strong boy is teaching him that there is a God, a Father who loves him despite the challenges he comes across in life. “There is a father there that will take care of him. There is a father there that wants the best for him. Even as an earthy father you are not going to be there every time to guide him and to teach him and all the different things but when you tell him about the Father up above who is looking down with his tender love, showing you, guiding you, directing you, that’s the fundamental foundation for me for raising a strong boy,” Morgan declares.
The uplifting documentary also looks at how to repair broken men, the most admired men in their lives and features what young boys love most about their dads.
President and Founder of Family and Faith Magazine, Shelly-Ann Harris feels turning the spotlight on boys and men is vital at this time. “The data is showing us that in many ways we are failing our boys and so we felt it was very important to focus on how to raise boys and restore broken men for our Father’s Day Edition, which balances our recent focus on women in the Easter Edition that was released a couple months ago,” Harris explains. “We remain thankful to our loyal sponsor, the Jamaica Broilers Group, who has supported us on this journey of sharing impactful testimonies of faith that can serve to strengthen family life,” she adds.
We also appreciate and value that you may want to help us continue doing what we’re doing by making a donation.
May God bless you abundantly for your thoughtfulness!
charitable donation
Family and Faith Magazine is committed to sharing stories of how Christian faith can positively impact family life and the attendant demands such as marriage, parenting, relationships, love, work-life balance, serving the community among other issues. Your donation will help us to keep going! Thank you!
Ask the ordinary Jamaican what comes to mind when you say the word, Bellevue, and typically they offer references to a ‘madhouse’, or a place where you get a tin of milk in exchange for carrying in a mentally unstable relative.
But the French word actually means ‘beautiful view,’ and that is certainly the approach Bellevue Hospital’s dedicated social workers have adopted when it comes to serving those in their care. They are indeed God’s helpers who work tirelessly towards creating a ‘beautiful life’ for persons living with a mental illness by reconnecting them to their family as well as community and government services.
Now, in celebration of Social Work Month, Family and Faith Magazine in partnership with the Jamaica Broilers Group is pleased to highlight the high calling of the dedicated social workers at Bellevue Hospital.
Dedicated social workers at Bellevue Hospital
“I didn’t choose social work, it chose me,” emphasized Mrs. Alleen Smith-Roberts, Medical Social Worker at Bellevue Hospital when asked why she chose the profession, adding that she finds great joy in helping persons with a mental illness to reconnect with their family. “You find that you have lots of persons in our society who are unable to ‘connect’, they are just existing, they are not sure where’s their place and as social workers we help persons to get there,” Mrs. Smith-Roberts explained with conviction.
In addition to ‘finding their place,’ helping clients to secure and maintain employment and access key government services, are other vital goals for social workers. After over twenty-four years in the profession, Barbara McKoy knows quite a bit about human behaviour. She told Family and Faith Magazine that “anyone can become mentally ill; it is not a respecter of persons,” pointing out, for example, that sometimes financial pressure can be traumatic for patients.
“I have a case of a gentleman who was separated from his family. He came into the hospital. He was really a terror to his family. His children didn’t want to have anything to do with him; his wife didn’t want to have anything to do with him because he was so terrible and I was able to assist him with getting his pension and it sort of brought him around because basically his traumatic conditions were brought about by the fact that he doesn’t have the money to spend. So he was really giving everybody a hard time and since he was able to get that pension I haven’t seen him being admitted for a while; he takes his medication, he calls me regularly to keep me updated on what is happening and he seems to be getting on well with his family,” she recounted, smiling.
Aside from providing this type of ongoing support, for the past 3 years during social work month, the Bellevue social workers, treat patients with special Care Packages filled with personal items, toiletries, non-perishable food and The Best Dressed Chicken from the Jamaica Broilers Group. The company’s Group Public Relations Programmes Officer, Danah Cameron, explained why they were happy to partner with the social workers at Bellevue. “To us [the work they do] emulates who Christ is in such a magnificent way, they truly give of themselves, they speak of their patients as if they are speaking of family, they have such a heart, such a warmth towards these people, it really is moving.”
Of course, both patients and social workers are also quite moved by the heartfelt gesture of kindness from their sponsors. “Our patients were more than excited and appreciative to get that extra nugget in their bag, so we thank our sponsors for their help each year and those who came on board with us to make this month an extra special month, not just for us but our patients, because its gives us great joy in giving back,” remarked Mrs. Smith-Roberts.
Senior Social Worker, Jessica Tyghter-Shaw also expressed gratitude to the Jamaica Broilers Group not only for the goodies provided, but also for their heart for community. “We appreciate your assistance, we appreciate you coming out of your offices and coming on the road and interacting with the people and showing that love and genuineness for the people.”
Other notable sponsors that supported the initiative include Jamaica Biscuit Company, Cals, Lasco and Jamaica Baking Company.
In addition to the efforts of social workers and sponsors, family and friends have an important role to play in creating a better, beautiful life for patients. In fact, their support is key to ensuring that persons with mental illness stay well.
“Oftentimes the first thing that happens when somebody has a mental illness is that families are nowhere to be found, friends are nowhere to be found and so it is really them against this whole big wide world. So, I am encouraging persons, still be a part of their lives, they need you, they need us, they need a family, they need a friend, they need persons around them,” insisted Mrs. Tyghter-Shaw.
“A lot of them are out there and they are being treated in such manner they run come back to Bellevue when Bellevue don’t have the space for them. They probably don’t need to be hospitalized but because they are running away from the treatment in their community they come to Bellevue for refuge,” Miss McKoy lamented. Echoing this sentiment, Mrs. Robert-Smith urges communities not to ostracize them. “No man is an island, the more support that individual has, the better. The propensity of them staying well is greater with more support,” she admonished.
When families fail to play their role however, social workers become the extended family for persons living with a mental illness, which of course requires an added measure of grace. It is therefore no surprise that Mrs. Tyghter-Shaw is keen to declare that she gets her strength from God – “He is the great Teacher, He is the one that taught us how to do social work, He is the best social worker,” she declared with passion.
Her faith certainly mirrors the Jamaica Broilers’ motivation for serving the community. “At our core we are a poultry company, we focus on agribusiness, we are vertically integrated. I could talk on and on about that, but what we want Jamaica to know is that the heart; at the core, we believe in Jesus Christ, we believe in His mission, and His mission becomes our mission in terms of how we serve our community. Our partnership with Bellevue Hospital in going out into the community has helped us to exemplify that,” Mrs. Cameron declared.
No doubt the partnership of families, communities and good corporate citizens, will continue to assist Bellevue in creating a more beautiful life for persons living with a mental illness.
Comment below or send an email to familyandfaithmagazine@gmail.com
When her teenage daughter became pregnant, what could have turned into a mother’s utter shame, guilt and disgrace turned into a story of Christ’s love, redemption and power through her church.
by Family and Faith Magazine writer, Ensebe Akunta
“I started to realize that I was looking for love in the wrong places and that the kind of love I really wanted was from my father,” Amanda* confessed. Her father had paid her scant regard throughout her life. He was not married to her mother and they did not relate well when she was growing up.
Amanda’s family circumstances are not unusual. In 2007, Jamaica had 35,344 live births out of wedlock, a little more than the capacity of Jamaica’s National Stadium. But things are changing for better because according to the January to September 2017 Provisional Birth Statistics from the Registrar General’s Department, this number was reduced to 20,238.
Under the law, Amanda is not yet a woman but is legally allowed to engage in sexual intercourse. At 16, she was taken out of a house by the police after she had changed out of her school uniform in a back alley and gone to visit her boyfriend. This 19-year-old man had completed school, had no job and lived on his own with financial support from his sister and his mother who lived abroad. The police took both Amanda and her boyfriend to the station and called the girl’s mother, Dawn*.
Dawn is a Christian who volunteers regularly at her church. Dawn said that Amanda had gotten baptized at 11-years-old and often served with her in the church. The single mother said that a few weeks after the police station incident, she bought a pregnancy test kit. Amanda’s results were positive.
“I went into mourning,” Dawn revealed as her face took on a more serious look. “I told Amanda, don’t ask me any questions or expect me to make any decisions about punishment or anything for three days. Because I had been reading and meditating on 1 Samuel 16 where God asked Samuel how long he would mourn for Saul. And God was teaching me that it’s okay and it’s healthy to mourn for a time. If you don’t allow yourself to do that you’ll mourn in an unhealthy way probably the rest of your life and don’t even recognize that anger and bitterness with people is just you mourning something that happened long ago,” Dawn reasoned.
She explained that she took that time to fully feel her anger, shame, disappointment, frustration, hurt and every other emotion that came with the news. After three days, she made up her mind to move forward and shared the news with her Pastor.
Of course, the issue of sexual immorality in the church had also been the focus of national attention during the same period of time, with social media confessions from known personalities and allegations and arrests of church leaders. Like the current slew of Hollywood sex scandals, it seemed to be something ‘everyone knows about but nobody talks about’. But the numbers are not silent and it appears that about half of the young people who attend Church have had sex.
The National Family Planning Board’s 2008 Reproductive Health Survey indicates that 46% of young women and 60% of young men aged 15-24 who have ever had sexual relations attend church at least once a week.
Dawn recounted that the Pastor and his leaders lamented the fall of their young congregant as if she was their own child. It is a small, close-knit church, led by a youthful pastor, who had not faced this situation before, she explained.
The Pastor said, “We prayed about how to respond and just followed the direction of the Lord”. They accepted the Lord’s challenge to face it in a God-honouring, Bible-believing way, so they met with Dawn and Amanda.
The Pastor and other church leaders determined that Dawn had tried her best but Amanda, knowing God’s standards, had made some bad decisions. Amanda, however, showed repentance about her sexual immorality in her speech and in her behavior. The Pastor declared “We believe that while the sex was a sin, the baby was not” in keeping with Psalm 127:3 – Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Additionally, at a regular meeting of the church membership, the leaders reiterated that sex outside of marriage at any age is a sin and unacceptable, but the resulting children are not. So, their decision was to love and support Amanda as she had recommitted to remaining a Christian and get help to make better decisions.
This gracious treatment of Amanda was peculiar because as the news soaked in, other church leaders and congregants would go to Dawn and share stories of being told to leave their church as youngsters because of teenage pregnancies.
“I heard stories of teenagers having abortion for fear of their deacon fathers finding out. Of little girls being sent away to country relatives. Of pastors’ sons denying that they are the father and just a whole heap of painful hiding and rejection” Dawn lamented.
Clearly, when Dawn chose to tell her Pastor and Amanda agreed to meet with them, the church could freely apply 1 John 1:9 (KJV) – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Beyond Amanda’s confession and repentance her reform included attending professional counseling to speak about the issues that influenced her to sin in the first place; continuing regular attendance at church and starting mentoring relationship with a mature Christian.
Existing sex education programmes in Jamaica focus on teaching children how to engage in sexual intercourse that does not result in disease or procreation. But they do not teach how to build stable life partnerships through healthy friendships then marriages before committing to sexual intercourse.
Both hospital and police staff encouraged Amanda to sign up with the Women’s Centre Foundation to continue her education. But it was her mother who told her that while continuing her education was important, she also needed to learn how to have healthy Godly relationships with men.
Dawn reasoned that, “This would give Amanda hope for sex in the right context of marriage in the future. Because after baby born, the ‘feelings’ don’t go away! Who tells pregnant teenage girls that they can still look to get married some day? And how do they go about achieving that? It’s still on their minds, but who’s talking about it? And how do they raise their children well? I’d love to see Women’s Centre or the Church or somebody teach them about that! Because as single parents we don’t always know how to”.
Throughout her pregnancy, Amanda had continued to regularly attend her church where she received encouragement and practical advice about motherhood.
Today the baby is born and bringing both joy and sleepless nights. Amanda says that her church’s love has been overwhelming as members donated cash gifts, baby clothes, furniture, diapers, motherly advice, rides to the clinic and much prayers. The baby’s father visits occasionally.
There are no guarantees that as Christians we won’t sin, make bad decisions or mistakes. But in Romans 8:35 – 39, God has says that nothing can separate us from His love. He is not letting go. Why should we?
*Names and places have been changed to protect the identity of the family involved.
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In these modern times, parents face unique challenges in effectively raising their children and oftentimes age-old practices are seen as ineffective, irrelevant and in some instances abusive. Corporal punishment, more commonly known as ‘spanking,’ is one of those parenting tools that is now in question and stirs significant debate.
Moreover, recent video recordings showing parents violently assaulting their children have further cracked the whip on the efficacy and humaneness of spanking. Family and Faith Magazine therefore sought answers from respected family counselor and CEO of Family Life Ministries, Dr. Barry Davidson.
Dr. Davidson first categorically explained that much of what has been seen from the viral videos are abusive behavior, where the parent seems to be venting destructive anger on a child.
Still, he was keen to point out that “there is a place for spanking.” He said: “I know it is not the politically correct thing for me to say but I say it because that is what I believe.” Dr. Davidson explained that “spanking is punishment and is not something that you do very often, it is something that you rarely do, but there is room for it. There is room for it when you really want to let the child know that this (negative behavior) is not something that you are going to tolerate.”
The family counselor was however adamant that parents “need to know when to spank, you need to know when not to spank and you need to also know how to spank.”
When not to spank
“I don’t believe you should spank for childish or immature behaviour which is consistent with a child’s age,” Dr. Davidson asserted.
He also warned against spanking when a child becomes restless as a result of sitting too long at an event or function. “A child who is in church and the service is going on too long (and the attention span for a child is much shorter than for an adult) and because the child is disturbing you; because the child is restless, you take the child outside and you spank the child – you don’t spank for that because the child is being him or herself,” the counselor explained.
Continuing he said: “you don’t spank for lack of ability – you may have one child that is very good at Math and the other is not. Don’t compare children and because one isn’t doing well you spank. You don’t spank for lack of ability.”
“You don’t spank for accidents – a child is playing cricket and the ball accidentally breaks a window you don’t spank for that however if you say to the child, don’t play cricket here anymore and the child continues, that is a different situation. That is now disobedience,” he explained.
“Never spank out of anger. Never spank when you are irritated, when you feel depressed or when you are tired because that’s when you lose control, that is when you become very very abusive,” he cautioned.
When to spank
Having shared when not to spank, Dr. Davidson also offered circumstances in which spanking may be warranted and helpful. He explained that spanking as a form of punishment can be done when there is disobedience. “Because when a child is deliberately disobedient – when a parent says over and over don’t do this and the child continues, what that child is doing is challenging the parental authority and so what the parent has to do is let the child know that this will not be tolerated, and the child must know why he or she is being spanked and the parent should be very calm and very careful,” he explained.
“I think also that children can be spanked for uncooperative attitudes – they are not willing to cooperate and again you have spoken to them, you have tried to help them to understand the importance of cooperating with the family – you might have to make a point. Because spanking is really punishment and punishment is making a point. It is letting a child know that hey, this is not going to be tolerated.”
Dr. Davidson added that parents could spank for lying, stealing, cheating – character faults. “These are things that should never be tolerated or encouraged. These are things that can end up in a worst situation than spanking, they could be embarrassed one day, in prison one day and so we need to understand that what we are doing with children is preparing them, helping them to live in a real world and that real world has consequences for actions that right now we are helping them to change,” he explained.
A father himself, Dr Davidson told Family and Faith Magazine that: “I have 3 children and 1 of my children never ever got spanking, the other probably got 2 in their entire life and the other probably got 5 or 6 and yet still I was a believer in spanking. But I knew when to spank, when not to spank and knew spanking was not an act of discipline but punishment,” he admonished.
The family counselor also reiterated that “When I am talking about punishment I am not talking about abuse because I am very anti-abuse. I think abuse is what creates serious problems with people becoming very violent.” He however emphasized that “if you fail to punish a child, society is going to do it for you one day. A lot of children that we see becoming reckless and ruthless, they really never got the training and the discipline and when necessary the punishment when they were young.”
“It is my conviction that most youngsters even those who are rebellious against adults’ authority are actually seeking a strong hand of guidance and spanking therefore should be where you are setting definite boundaries of right and wrong for a child,” Dr. Davidson explained. Essentially, he says with spanking you are demanding obedience because disobedience can get you in trouble.
Asked what age spanking would be appropriate for children, Dr. Davidson said, “spanking should take place between ages 4 and 10. By the time you get to 10 or even 9 there is no need for spanking after that,” he said.
Where to spank
In terms of where to spank, the father of three prescribed that “the padded area that we sit on is the best place to provide the ‘rod of correction’. Certainly, it is not going to be the hands and face and the back – that to me is abuse,” he insisted.
In the end, Dr. Davidson urges parents to cultivate a balanced wholesome relationship with their children. He noted that firmness (discipline) without relationship can lead to rebellion and conversely, relationship without firmness can lead to spoiling. Instead he asserts that relationship plus firmness are what will result in helping parents to raise responsible human beings.
Do you believe there is a place for spanking? Why or why not?
For more parenting strategies from Dr. Davidson you can check out his book Answers to Questions Parents Ask co-authored with Faith Linton, now available in book stores across Jamaica.
